My Spy by Erin St. James

Author:Erin St. James [St. James, Erin]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2021-04-22T16:00:00+00:00

TWENTY-SEVEN

I feel like I am on the fluffiest puff of cloud sailing across the blue sky on a warm spring day. I'm weightless and I keep feeling like I might barf up butterflies I have so many swarming around in my stomach at the moment.

I'm sprawled out on Ryan's bed, just soaking up the pure bliss I am currently feeling. I look to my right and watch his chest slowly rise and fall with each breath he takes. His eyelids flutter and I wonder what he dreams of. I use my finger to trace a line down the side of his face and I know once his eyes open, the moment will be over and all I'll be clinging on to is memories.

I am trying not to be enraptured by him but my heart explodes every time his eyes meet mine. I've tried to remind myself over and over that he'll be leaving as soon as the case is closed and they are hoping for that to be as early as next week. He told me he was leaving and reminds me about the inevitable, but I try to push it from my mind when we are together, tangled up in the sheets, or in last night’s case, the truck.

A whole other side of Ryan comes out when we are alone behind closed doors and a selfish part of me is glad he doesn't show it to the rest of the world. He's witty, charming, funny and so gentle with me when it’s just us two. Which is the exact opposite of the rough shell he protects himself with during the day.

I've become enamored but I try and shake it away seeing that I still hardly know anything about him- and he is intent on it staying that way. He's trying to remind me in all ways that we can't fall for each other, that that will never be an option for us. He drills it into my head that his job doesn't allow relationships and I continue to lie to myself and agree that this is a fling that will fizzle when he leaves. That this is temporary and doesn't have the option of becoming permanent.

Before my mother, Austin or the universe can ruin this moment I decide to end it myself. I pull part of myself off the bed, so my legs remain on the mattress as my arms crawl around on the floor, reaching for his shirt that lies by the nightstand. I pull my torso back onto the bed and quickly tug on his white cotton V-neck. His scent surrounds me as I pull the fabric to my face to try and tie it to my memory- so I have something to convince myself that this was real after we are forced back into reality.

I look to him once more and push the covers away from me. I grab my clothing and tiptoe over to his door. As quietly as I can, I inch the door open wide enough to use one eye to check to see if the coast is clear.

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